My backstory

I feel like I need to 'set the scene' with this. So here's my backstory which hopefully will help you understand why I felt like this was something I needed to try. 

In August 2012 I gave birth to my little man via emergency cesarean. The epidural didn't work and I could feel them cutting into me so I got put to sleep for the procedure. The whole time we were in hospital he was in the special care nursery. We never got that initial skin to skin. He was fed with expressed milk and formula through a feeding tube, he just wasn't latching. Finally at five days old he latched! My milk came in and we went home. I breastfed him for four months and at that point he was feeding for an hour and a half at a time while only having a half hour break between feeds. I couldn't shower without him needing a feed, I couldn't do anything. So we made the decision to put him on formula which he absolutely thrived on and became a very happy content little man. I wish I had of known more about getting my supply up or seeking help. As I got older I learnt more and I promised myself that it would be different with my next baby. 

Fast forward 3 years later to January 2016 and I had my baby girl (who I will fondly refer to as Bean) via planned cesarean. I got a spinal block and I got to be awake for beans birth. I help her straight away and in recovery she got straight on the boob. I was so happy, I knew it would be better this time. I was older and I had read everything possible about breastfeeding. Boy was I wrong! Feeding Bean was a breeze to start with. Until she was about five weeks old when both my nipples had cracks that were 2.5cm. Every time she latched I was in tears, I was just miserable and I was scared to feed her due to the pain so at six weeks old we made the decision to put her on formula.

I look back now and I should have tried nipple shields or seen a lactation consultant (we now know Bean has an upper lip tie and that was the reason for the cracks). I thought I was older and knew more but after having a baby I think there's just so many hormones that I went fuzzy. I knew all this information but it just didn't come to me when I needed it but all of that is the reason we're starting the relactation journey. Bean is now five and a half months old and the older Bub is the harder it is to relactate but we will see what happens. I miss the connection from breastfeeding. I don't bash formula or mums who choose it. Formula fed my little man and Bean when I couldnt and I couldn't be more greatful that it exists. It's a very personal decision to relactate and I know a lot of people won't understand or think it's weird but I need to do this for myself and for Bean.