Day 5.

I had a pretty rough day yesterday which is why I didn't post. My feeding tube arrived and my little bean wanted nothing to do with it. Then I felt like a horrible person for making her cry when you know, it would be so much easier just to give her a bottle and not try any of this. So I put her down for a nap and went and layed in bed in the dark to gather my thoughts. When I finally calmed down and started thinking more logically I realised that Bean was way overdue for a nap when I decided to try the tube. No wonder she was so upset, she just wanted to sleep and here I am shoving a weird boob/tube/rubber nipple device in her mouth. I kept pumping and taking my fenugreek and I think I'll give the SNS another try tomorrow. So far every night Bean has had cuddles and fallen asleep while on the boob and that's been really good for both of us. We just sit in the dark in the rocking chair and have one of those mummy moments I don't get due to crazily running around constantly cleaning and making sure everyone is fed and clean and toileted. Those moments are one of the reasons why I'm trying to relactate. I also forgot to mention in my earlier posts that in preparation for Bean to breastfeed I put the newborn nipples back on her bottles because breastmilk doesn't flow as fast as the nipples she was on with like 4 decent sized holes. I'll continue to do what I'm doing and hopefully things can move forward!