Apologies

I just wanted to apologise for not posing in so long, that's if anyone is even reading. My husband has passed away and I don't have the motivation anymore. Hope anyone doing the same thing has success and got some sort of help from my few days.

Day 5.

I had a pretty rough day yesterday which is why I didn't post. My feeding tube arrived and my little bean wanted nothing to do with it. Then I felt like a horrible person for making her cry when you know, it would be so much easier just to give her a bottle and not try any of this. So I put her down for a nap and went and layed in bed in the dark to gather my thoughts. When I finally calmed down and started thinking more logically I realised that Bean was way overdue for a nap when I decided to try the tube. No wonder she was so upset, she just wanted to sleep and here I am shoving a weird boob/tube/rubber nipple device in her mouth. I kept pumping and taking my fenugreek and I think I'll give the SNS another try tomorrow. So far every night Bean has had cuddles and fallen asleep while on the boob and that's been really good for both of us. We just sit in the dark in the rocking chair and have one of those mummy moments I don't get due to crazily running around constantly cleaning and making sure everyone is fed and clean and toileted. Those moments are one of the reasons why I'm trying to relactate. I also forgot to mention in my earlier posts that in preparation for Bean to breastfeed I put the newborn nipples back on her bottles because breastmilk doesn't flow as fast as the nipples she was on with like 4 decent sized holes. I'll continue to do what I'm doing and hopefully things can move forward!

Day 3.

Today was a normal day. Still pumping and taking fenugreek. I am starting to see a few more drops but I'm also feeling a bit off about it all today. I know it won't happen quickly but I just wish it did! I'm not discouraged though I have a very supporting hubby who is being positive while I'm feeling like this. Had a shower with Bean tonight and had lots of skin to skin. After her shower I put her jammies on and she latched with the nipple shield for 30 minutes and fell asleep. I want to do this more throughout the day but with a 4 year old and a husband that has no use of his dominant arm due to having shoulder surgery I still have to do all my usual mumma duties and take care of hubby but I'm finding the time to pump and take care of everything. Feeding tube still hasn't arrived. I'll hopefully be a bit happier when it does as it's just another step forward in this journey. 

Day 2.

Still pumping and taking fenugreek, I feel like a pumping machine. Thank god I got the Medela pump, it's extremely comfortable even though I'm constantly using it! After pumping I'll get 2-3 drops from hand expressing so something must be happening. We were out all day today so I didn't get much skin to skin and probably didn't drink enough water but I took my pump with me and pumped in the car every two hours as normal. I got the nipple shields and I'm extremely happy to say that Bean latched straight away and sucked for a good 15 minutes and fell asleep on the boob. She latched again before she went to bed but her Daddy was distracting her so it wasn't as long as the first time but it's still something! The feeding tube for the SNS will hopefully be here tomorrow but for now I'm happy to let her have boob for comfort whenever she wants if she's happy to latch. When the tube is here at least she will be able to stimulate my nipple while having her formula so she will hopefully figure out that food comes from the boob. Things are looking positive right now.

Day 1.

After tons of research I have purchased a Medela Swing breast pump. I had another brand from when my little man was born but it was horrible and causing extreme pain so I knew I couldn't use that for my journey. I have also purchased Fenugreek tablets and a feeding tube so I can make my own SNS (supplement nursing system). There are heaps of tutorials on YouTube on how to make your own if you don't want to risk spending a lot of money for something your baby may or may not use. I think the Medela SNS is roughly $45 and I bought the feeding tube for $5. You can also use a medication called Domperidone to help with your milk and most success stories I've seen swear by it but I'm choosing not too. There is also mothers milk tea, brewers yeast and blessed milk thistle (I think I got that right) but I'm just using the fenugreek, the breast pump and the SNS. This is my pumping/fenugreek schedule.

Every 2 hours I'm pumping for 15 minutes each breast. At the moment I'm going to bed around midnight so i wake up around 2:30am to pump and then I will get one 4 hour stretch of sleep from 3am to 7am. With my fenugreek tablets I'm taking 3 tablets, 3 times a day and my tablets are 1000mg. It's so important to pump regularly and not to miss a session. Luckily my husband is home from work for 6 weeks so he's here to help with the kids if I'm tied to a breast pump or need to sneak in a little nap.

At the end of today I finally got a tiny bit of milk when pumping. When I say tiny I mean there were a few drops on my nipple. None in the pump at all, but it's something and it's quite encouraging. It was very cloudy and sticky like colostrum but I've been told you don't reproduce colostrum when relactating but it sure looks like colostrum to me! Bean isn't interested in latching, most likely because it's been nearly 4 months since she's been on the boob. Sometimes I can get her to latch when she's asleep but I'm sure she thinks my nipple is her dummy while she's sleeping. I'm pretty positive that she won't latch because she's used to something rubbery giving her food or comfort whether it be her bottle or her dummy so tomorrow I'm going to get some nipple shields. If they work I'll worry about weaning her off them later the main focus now is to get her on the boob. In the meantime were having lots of skin to skin and cuddles! 

My backstory

I feel like I need to 'set the scene' with this. So here's my backstory which hopefully will help you understand why I felt like this was something I needed to try. 

In August 2012 I gave birth to my little man via emergency cesarean. The epidural didn't work and I could feel them cutting into me so I got put to sleep for the procedure. The whole time we were in hospital he was in the special care nursery. We never got that initial skin to skin. He was fed with expressed milk and formula through a feeding tube, he just wasn't latching. Finally at five days old he latched! My milk came in and we went home. I breastfed him for four months and at that point he was feeding for an hour and a half at a time while only having a half hour break between feeds. I couldn't shower without him needing a feed, I couldn't do anything. So we made the decision to put him on formula which he absolutely thrived on and became a very happy content little man. I wish I had of known more about getting my supply up or seeking help. As I got older I learnt more and I promised myself that it would be different with my next baby. 

Fast forward 3 years later to January 2016 and I had my baby girl (who I will fondly refer to as Bean) via planned cesarean. I got a spinal block and I got to be awake for beans birth. I help her straight away and in recovery she got straight on the boob. I was so happy, I knew it would be better this time. I was older and I had read everything possible about breastfeeding. Boy was I wrong! Feeding Bean was a breeze to start with. Until she was about five weeks old when both my nipples had cracks that were 2.5cm. Every time she latched I was in tears, I was just miserable and I was scared to feed her due to the pain so at six weeks old we made the decision to put her on formula.

I look back now and I should have tried nipple shields or seen a lactation consultant (we now know Bean has an upper lip tie and that was the reason for the cracks). I thought I was older and knew more but after having a baby I think there's just so many hormones that I went fuzzy. I knew all this information but it just didn't come to me when I needed it but all of that is the reason we're starting the relactation journey. Bean is now five and a half months old and the older Bub is the harder it is to relactate but we will see what happens. I miss the connection from breastfeeding. I don't bash formula or mums who choose it. Formula fed my little man and Bean when I couldnt and I couldn't be more greatful that it exists. It's a very personal decision to relactate and I know a lot of people won't understand or think it's weird but I need to do this for myself and for Bean.